Healing Heart

"A heart at peace gives life to the body..."    - Proverbs 14:30

 

 

"The results of your recent echocardiogram are normal". I smiled to myself when I got those results a couple weeks ago because I have not had a normal EKG for quite some time since being diagnosed with dysautonomia. Of course it was normal. This has been the summer of miracles and healing!

Once I decided to allow my life journey to be on a path that God controlled rather than one I dictated, controlled and manipulated the journey has become very clear, peaceful and blessed. There is still chaos and uncertainty many days but I feel a sense of calm even in the midst of storms all around me.

 

I received another phone call the other day. One of my doctors called to see if everything was okay because I have not had an appointment or called him for over four months. I have not been to the emergency room for over six months.  I used to look at my calendar each week and be overwhelmed by the number of medical appointments I had. My life was going from one clinic, hospital or testing facility to the next. My Sunday evenings were spent preparing for the medical onslaught that waited each week; filling pill boxes, refilling prescriptions, finding drivers to take me to appointments, completing paperwork, battling insurance companies, then the hours of actual time at each appointment. Not anymore. God has been gracious and removed some of that from me. I have been able to stop some of my medications; filling the medication boxes is quick & easy. I feel well enough to drive most days or even walk or bike.

The last piece seems to be the digestive issues. They have gotten better but I am experiencing some detoxification that is taking time. Healing has been a process; it has been a journey of faith, trust and obedience. I believe more will continue to take place. I will be patient and remain faithful.

Occasionally I have a day I still need to rest; I know the signs.  Even those days I feel the healing hand of God upon me.  He always has a plan...



Control Freak Rehabilitation

One of the most difficult things I have had to accept and learn to become accustomed to since being diagnosed with a chronic illness is that I am not in control of my life; every day is unpredictable. Prior to getting sick I always thought I was in control. I was the planner and organizer, I figured everything out, and others could count on me to help. Being sick has forced me to slow down, to depend on others and to view life with an eternal perspective. Knowing my life expectancy has been shortened has jolted me with a sudden realization that I never really controlled anything; being in control was an illusion. I take nothing for granted and relish the small, simple things in each day. I savor the blessings granted to me.

At first the loss of my independence was a struggle that frustrated me beyond belief. I also had moments of great sadness and needed to grieve the loss of my life as I had come to know it; learning to become patient and wait…wait for God to make a move and let me know what His plan was made me feel extremely uncomfortable at times. It was during the long days and nights of silence, pain and crying out that I eventually came to a place of peace, contentment and feeling blessed. Being stripped of my former self has given me the opportunity to become the person God wants to shape me into.

Along with patience have come other virtues that I am embracing such as endurance, empathy and resilience. I feel so calm. This past year in particular I have felt a peace that is indescribable. My body may be weak at times but spiritually and emotionally I feel strong. God has taken me to a place that is beyond my expectations. I have prayed for physical healing and it has not happened but for the first time I am okay with where He is taking me. I feel Him preparing me for something far greater than what I was expecting. He is simply asking me to be patient. He has asked me to trust Him and wait for His plan to unfold.
I hear His voice, loud and clear. I feel His presence. I see Him at work all around me. He reminds me that He is in control. Would I have spent all this time with Him, listening to Him, seeking Him, crying out to Him if I had not been so sick and forced to slow down? This most difficult time has turned into a blessing.

1 Thessalonians 5:17-18
Rejoice always, pray continually, and give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

Psalm 40:1
I waited patiently for the LORD; He turned to me and heard my cry.